3- Legged Leadership

I see leadership as a 3 legged race.

We tie ourselves to those who are learning, or have weaknesses where we have strengths. It doesn't matter if we are 'farther along in our walk' whatever the heck THAT means... It doesn't matter if we are smarter, faster, stronger, we TIE ourselves to that person and come into rhythm with them right where they are, on their level.
A true Leader does not condescend or even Lord his strength over us. He ties himself, becomes joined at our hip, like a 3- legged race, he teaches us how to move, but at our pace. He comes to strengthen us where we are weak.

Some people see the strong ones positioned at the top- Looking down on the weak ones.

I think that's backward. I see it as a cheerleading pyramid. The strong, sturdy ones are at the bottom- holding up the ones on the top.

There's an ebb and flow to leadership, a back and forth. To try and lead someone without loving them, is dangerous. The temptation to control others is all too strong for most of us. Leaders see themselves in others, not believing that they are higher, or better than those learning.

There's a false type of leadership out there. It gets results by intimidation and violence. Or the threat of violence. It absolutely works. It gets results. We can control people through their fears. But loyalty is dead in that dynamic.

Napolean's quote makes me think: 
  

"I know men and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between Him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creation of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him."

--Napoleon
 I refuse to give up on real leadership. It exists. It's possible. I'm a hopeless romantic, I guess. 

A Living Painting

Artists use space to create in. Space is their canvas:   the 'holder' for their creation.

Musicians' 'canvas' is time. They 'paint' onto the canvas of time.

A book described our facial expressions as 'painting'- there are primary colors (a few basic movements) then we blend our own variation of the primary colors & 'paint' a unique picture. Our smiles & movements 'paint' onto space. We use our voice & our words to create into time. 

You are a living painting, a progressive song- always new- being sculpted and written every day. You change every day-every moment you grow- so you aren't the same person twice.

Isn't it Amazing that every moment, every day we are artists? Are you painting and singing something you want to give to people?

Two koalas- one cup

Koalas eat their mom's shit.
Gross, right? 

I feel as a society- we have become so accustomed to gobbling down bullshit that we think it's normal. We trick ourselves into thinking we are benefiting from something that is actually toxic and has no nutritional value. 

We use pacifiers... things that promise to take our pain away, but really- they just deplete us.

Americans are more overweight, over-medicated and under-satisfied, than ever.

We think we relieve tension by using something... anything... Feeding ourselves on alcohol, Xanax, empty calories, video games, music, church, drugs, plastic surgery, movies, TV, running, facebooking, working. We distract ourselves from our pain. We hold up shiny keys to make us look away from our true faces. So we won't see the rawness of our loneliness. We self-medicate, we pacify with whatever our 'drug of choice' is.

Some of those things listed are healthy, but anything can be used in an unhealthy way: as a distraction from the skeletons in our closet. We don't want to see harsh reality with all its' pain, all its' gore, all its' heartbreaking mistakes.

The koalas eat eucalyptus leaves. The leaves have almost no nutrition- so the koalas have no energy. They sleep 20 hrs a day. My theory as to how it got so bad (babies suckling from their mothers' anuses) is that they fell into complacency by feeding themselves something readily available, convenient, but of no REAL value to their benefit. They no longer had the energy to forage for real food-and this...  crap... is abundant. Then, the babies somehow realize the feces has more nutrition than the leaves, and they are resourceful buggers, so they start sucking on their mother's assholes to get what they need. The next generation doesn't know any better- it's become the 'norm.' All their friends grew up being anus-fed.

No one thinks it's weird.

Pacifiers promise what they can't deliver. 

I believe we are created to receive comfort from unconditional relationships.

When we turn to something we can control (since we can't control people-- or God) we deceive ourselves into thinking we are receiving comfort from our drug of choice. The comfort is temporary. And very dangerous.  We are feeding on bullshit- something imitating REAL NOURISHMENT. 

A plastic nipple don't give no milk.

It's counterfeit currency, something synthesized to recreate a certain fullness. Valium counterfeits peace. Alcohol can counterfeit joy. I'm not saying these are bad in and of themselves, but what are we expecting from them? How much value are we placing on pharmaceutical peace? What do we do if we don't have them?

I joke (morbidly) that most average people don't die of overdoses because we can't afford mass amounts of drugs. When we have unlimited resources- where does our self-control go?

Why do we think we 'need' so many calories?
Why do we allow ourselves to slide down the slippery slope of addiction?
Why do we fight and claw to avoid asking ourselves hard questions?
Why can't we take an honest look into our face?

How do we dislodge our lips from our mother's asshole and stop nursing on bullshit?

Why are we so driven to deceive ourselves?

Trust reveals the Monster Within

When we first meet someone, usually- we are on our best behavior. It takes a bit of time before we allow that person to see anything other than our 'presentable' side. 

The more we trust someone, the more we feel compelled to peel back layers of our thick skin and show them a filthy corner in our heart, a shit stain behind our toilet, so to speak.
We are usually very cautious about revealing these parts of ourselves. There's a vulnerability in showing our selfishness, our prejudices, our malice. There's a rawness to people when they are tired, hungry, scared, or in pain. The more you get to know someone, the more they let you in. 
There are some people I've known for years- but they don't really know me. They think I'm so sweet. My husband gets angry when people say: "Oh, I just LOVE your wife!"

It's like he's angry that they don't hate me as much as he does. 
But that's not quite right. He's angry because they aren't allowed to see the side of me that's disgustingly ugly. Believe it or not, my capacity for joy IS equally matched by my capacity for cruelty. 
Really knowing someone, is seeing all sides of them- good and bad- and accepting them as they are. We can be so wounded and not even know it...
Until we are in a relationship where the space between us is inching tighter & tighter. There's almost no more room to move independently. We get 'touched' in a place where no one else has dared to go before- it's like a deep tissue massage. There are places that you didn't even know existed, but they are sore after the encounter.

I liken a marriage to a 3 legged race. You tie yourself to this person, and it doesn't matter who's faster, who's stronger, who smarter, who has better rhythm, who's more 'mature'... in this race of life- the two MUST co-operate. You have come onto the level of the other, get down & dirty with them in their fears, their superstitions. Tie yourself to them in a way that you must move the way they move, and they must move the way you move. Soon, you could be operating like one body. Or you could be off balance with a mouthful of sand.
How do people rehabilitate a dog that has been beaten & is now mean? Do we beat it more, every time that behavior shows up?
Why do we do that with people?

Why, when someone is on fire with rejection and punishment, do we try to put it out with more rejection and punishment? What they need is a water hose of acceptance & forgiveness... Oh, but it takes a very strong person to wield that hose.
C.S. Lewis said: "A weak man does not hit back because he is a coward...(I'm paraphrasing) but a strong man does not hit back because he is strong. But both appear the same outwardly. This, is the great humiliation of being a Christian."
I think this is what is meant by turning the other cheek.
When someone attacks you (like a beaten dog) can you show them the metaphorical 'hand print' on your cheek- see how much your actions hurt me? See how wounded I am by your indifference, your callousness? I'm willing to be vulnerable with you again (even though I'm scared shitless) & you may just strike me again, in my vulnerability- because I have set out to love you beyond all cost. Which means not protecting myself from you, but exposing my heart again. Even though it may result in another beating... but I'm choosing to extend my 'cheek' another time, hoping you will be gentle & careful with my bare heart.

Seeing the 'monster' in a loved one is a good thing. It means they trust you enough to show you a side of themselves that they aren't proud of. It probably didn't happen on purpose. They didn't plan ahead to reveal something so horrible about themselves. They are giving you pearls of wisdom about their deepest hurts. Will you treat that monster with the carefulness of a pearl? Or will you trample on it like a pig?

Please know that I am learning, trying to not be such a pig.

Good Riddance Cemetery

               
                                                        Welcome relief of deliverance.

Animal Hoarding= Rapist God

The curiousity was too much. 

I watched 'Confessions of animal hoarders' on Animal Planet. At first, I was just shocked. Mouth open, teeth getting too much breeze: shocked. It's a good show, really. They take you through these people's stories- they show how this mess happened. These are rational, reasonable people. They are not totally bonkers.  But they are exhibiting behavoir that would lead you to believe otherwise. One woman, was divorced 3 times and the pain was just too much. She said: "I know what to expect from my birds, I know they wont judge me or divorce me or leave me."     (Yeah, cuz the cages are locked.) 

But, really- when they break it down, all of these people are trying to ease their pain. They are 'self-medicating' with animals. As awful as that sounds- I started wondering how I 'hoard' or self-medicate in unhealthy ways. We ALL have pain. We all know sorrow and heart-break that we feel is so intense, and other people look so normal, that we MUST be the only ones carrying around this weeping  wound.

It was glaringly obvious how important it is to know how to deal with pain. If I don't work on this, if I don't actively have a plan, or know how to release pain, it's a slippery slope to Crazy Town. 

All who know me, who know my past- I've done some crazy stuff, too. Cutting, self-mutilation, etc...

 Most of the people on the show, are completely unaware that they are being abusive to their precious animals. They don't let them outside AT ALL, because- as one lady said: "I am protecting my doggies. I am saving them from getting hit by a car."

I wondered if I feed on people, in a sense, 'self-medicate' by sucking from an unhealthy relationship.

Am I an 'emotional vampire?'

 Do I self-medicate on praises of people? Do I use my friends empathy, or sympathy to my problems (of course, from my perspective, I am ALWAYS the victim, who didn't do ANYTHING wrong- and everyone else involved is a selfish monster...riiight) to soothe myself when I need to bring it before God? Do I hold people emotionally hostage to my issues so they will stroke my pride & ego?

Everyone can be less selfish. We all have learning to do.

And then it hit me. Some people portray God as being an 'animal hoarder.' That He wants to control us, trap us, put us within His boundary, under the guise that it is 'good for us.' Keep us in a filthy house where we don't have the choice to make bad decisions.

What if you can still make a bad choice while in heaven?

 What if, God isn't EVEN then, going to grab the controls to your 'person' and make you do what is good & right?

Lucifer found a poor choice in heaven.

Granted, there is a flow- when we surrender, Holy Spirit and the love of Christ is a pull, compelling, drawing, leading... I am not saying against that. I am saying, God does not usurp our will. He does not hold someone captive against their will.

 He is not a rapist.